Finding your family's perfect rhythm through homeschooling
I am so pleased to be able to introduce you to Sophia and her family. Sophia's story of homeschooling one child whilst having her other child attend regular school will be an interesting read for a lot of you. Parenting a child with Anxiety or any mental health condition for that matter can mean real struggles with school. I myself have often thought about homeschooling, however I've always pushed it to one side thinking that it wouldn't work to have one in and one out! Sophia has made me think again. It's always best to choose the right path for each child, and thanks to Sophia you too may reconsider.
Sophia's Story
Homeschooling was something I had considered when making educational decisions for my oldest, but it never seemed like the right fit for her. She enjoys being surrounded by lots of people and the structure of her school’s classes.
My youngest, Cadey, was different. She was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder when she was four years old.
That same year she attended 4 year old kindergarten (the year before primary school in Victoria). She had the most wonderful, supportive, kind teacher I could have ever hoped for. Yet every kindergarten day was full of heartbreak. She would sob, beg, bargain and plead to not go. This would lead in to full on breakdowns about getting in the car, and once in there she would scream and hurt herself by smacking her head with her hands or on the door. Several times she was so upset she would vomit.
Once we managed to get her in to the kindergarten classroom, most of the time she was FINE! That’s right. All that and then she would have an ok time at kindergarten. We would talk about all the toys she loved to play with there, her teacher who she adored and the music she loved to hear. She never really cared much about playing with friends but she did enjoy hearing that other children considered her one of the group.
It didn’t matter what we said, what we offered as a bribe, how firm or how understanding we were; she had major feelings about kindergarten.
We started seeing a psychologist fortnightly
The psychologist managed to get Cadey to talk about kindergarten and why she struggled. Basically, Cadey struggled with the fact that she didn’t know what would happen. She didn’t know if her teacher would be away sick, or which classmates would be there. Would someone be loud or mean today? The thoughts swirling in her head about the unknown and unpredictability of other people incapacitated her. We learned Cadey had Generalised Anxiety Disorder.
'People with GAD, however, feel anxious and worried most of the time, not just in specific stressful situations, and these worries are intense, persistent and interfere with their normal lives' - Beyond Blue
This anxiety spread to situations like the supermarket, or family outings. Soon, the only place we could go with minimal upset, was my parents house down the road. We put in to practise all the suggestions and tactics the psychologist suggested but nothing seemed to make a dent in her upset.
Then Christmas holidays came and we got a completely different side of Cadey. She was much more relaxed and happy to venture to new places with me, her dad, or her sister by her side. We didn’t have tears about the car or the supermarket. It was lovely.
All change
Unfortunately the holidays came to an end and it was time to start school. Cadey really wanted to go to school with her sister, and so she was enrolled and started school with all of her kindergarten peers. The anxiety attacks started again from the second day of school. Once she was at school she would hold it together fine, but getting her there was an olympic event and I hated having to force her in to the car through her tears, begging and hyperventilating. She also started having many more meltdowns after school. We went from one every couple of days to several every single day. She would lash out at her sister and I, hitting and kicking.
Everyone said "give it more time, she will settle", so we did. But nothing got better, in fact it got worse. I was starting to really struggle, my oldest was in tears daily and frightened of her sister. Two weeks before the end of term Cadey had a massive meltdown, and whilst I was trying to help calm her with strategies that had worked in the past, she bit me. Hard. She had never hurt me like that before.
We decided enough was enough. I sent away her homeschool enrolment and informed the school. The administration and the school principal tried hard to get her to stay, but her classroom teacher told me she thought I was doing the best for Cadey. We started homeschooling in term two and since then the meltdowns have nearly ceased, and we can all live our daily lives without fear of setting off an anxiety attack.
'We have a loose daily schedule of how things work. I do bits and pieces of housework while Cadey is doing her school work or playing, and we are flexible in case something comes up and we have to go out for the day.' - Sophia Weaver
I have had a lot of people tell me I am making it worse and suggest I should just push her to go to school and not give in. But because she is home I am able to gently push her past her comfort zone for a small amount of time then bring her back. We have made huge leaps with her development. She does not stop talking, she's learned the alphabet and phonics and she is starting to read! We can now go to the supermarket (even a brand new one she has never been to before) and we can attend homeschool meets, classes and activities with only a little bit of anxiety. This is because we have been able to take it at a slow pace and gently expand her tolerances.
'If you are considering having one or more kids in different educational settings I’d say go for it. It doesn’t have to be permanent, but just give it a try. You never know, you may find your family’s perfect rhythm' - Sophia Weaver
Now Cadey is one of the happiest, funniest little people you will ever meet. And homeschooling her is one of the best decisions I have made in my entire life.
Pros and Cons of Homeschooling + Regular Schooling in one family
Pros
• Each child has the education that best suits them, so they learn most efficiently.
• It sets our schedule for the day – as we have to do school drop-off at the same time every day, we are up out of bed and dressed, ready to start learning.
•It also helps us to work efficiently during the day as we have the deadline of school pick-up time to complete all of our work.
Cons
• It is hard to attend any home school meet ups or activities that clash with school pick up and drop of times.
• Sometimes if we have a morning filled with intense activity then Cadey is tired and more prone to meltdowns.
• It would be nice to just be able to stay home during hard times but we have to go to school pick-up.
One in One Out is live on Parent of Oz, published 11th Feb and well worth a read!
Sophia is a 29 year old mum of two from Melbourne, Australia. She loves to crochet and is the is the brains behind a wonderful website Parent of Oz; her story of adventures in homeschooling, parenting, mental health and autism.
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