Amber's Story - A stark reminder of how crucial early intervention is for our children!
It is with great pleasure that I introduce you to Amber, a home Educating Mum to Esme 5 and Miles 2.
Amber strives to be an attachment and gentle parent. Amber has chosen to home educate, as she feels this is the best way to prioritise her children’s happiness and mental health, after a difficult childhood herself. It's very easy to forget that our anxious children today, will grow into anxious adults. If they don't get the love and support and the right help to learn proper skills, their future is very uncertain. No one should underestimate how serious this is for our children.
Thank you Amber for being brave and sharing your story! The more we talk the more we can help, and that's why we're here!
Amber's Words....
I’m the most confident one in the room.
I’m the one masking my insecurities.
I’m the one who talks too much.
I’m the one who has to fill silences because my brain runs wild if I don’t.
I’m always surrounded by friends.
I can’t be alone.
'For me anxiety is the deep and ingrained fear of being disliked and alone. '
That conversation we had, that you won’t remember tomorrow, I’ve already replayed in my head 17 times, analysed and decided you must be upset with me.
That time you forgot to invite me out with you, I was at home crying for hours because I was convinced you all hated me.
'It’s irrational, ridiculous but very very real.'
I’m almost certain my anxiety stems from emotional neglect as a child.
I don’t remember being told I was loved, hugged, kissed, cherished in the way every child should be. I just remember resentment, disappointment and anger.
'My mother didn’t hold back that we were mistakes, regrets. We ruined her life.'
I’m almost certain because of that I have spent most of my life believing I have little value. So why would anyone like me?
Any small thing, eats away at that fear. That little voice saying “see, I told you, you aren’t loveable”.
Then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Think they don’t like me, self preservation panic sets in, distance myself and lose friends.
Each episode is different. Sometimes I am able to cope using CBT methods. Grounding myself. Positive affirmations. Calling my husband, my safe place, talking it through.
To the extreme: the panic attack: crying so hard I can’t breathe, pulse racing, panic sets in, I can’t breathe, I feel like I can’t get a breathe, more panic. This can be caused by something seemingly small, but with no warning, BAM, it hits and before I know it, I’m down the rabbit hole.
School didn’t help
I was smart but too opinionated for school. I didn’t conform enough for students or teachers. Desperate to be liked so I tried too hard, this carried on until my late 20s, and still to a lesser extent now.
'Understand that whatever the issue is, even if tiny, right now is HUGE to them! '
The way we view and treat children and their mental health needs to be changed. I’ve dealt with anxiety for as long as I can remember, and can remember having panic attacks as young as 11, but I was made to believe I was just being dramatic and over sensitive. It’s only as a much older adult, that I’ve been able to access professional medical support, and been able to analyse and understand what it is that I have and receive support for it.
We need to make sure that this doesn’t happen. It shouldn’t take until your 30s to be able to get diagnosis and treatment.
Amber's advice for parents and teachers:
•Don’t diminish the feelings these children are having.
•Don’t tell them there’s no reason to be upset.
•Find out what’s causing the issue.
•Tell them you understand.
•Ask them to take deep breaths.
•Perhaps build some affirmation statements that you can both repeat together.
•Be there. Really be there.
'The stigma about anxiety and what causes it needs to be addressed'
We have a forum all about schooling. If you are curious about other options for you child why not throw some questions out there!
You can follow Ambers Adventures in Home Education Story here!
Please remember if you are worried about a child's mental health, your first point of call must be your GP.