Anxiety - Emma's story
I am so thrilled to be able to introduce you to Emma. I met Emma a few weeks ago at a friends house and instantly noticed the way she connected with our children in a way that is so rare. She held their attention, and listened intently to what each child had to say. She dismissed nothing, recognised each different personality and reached out to my anxious daughter and immediately put her at ease.
Emma has suffered with depression and anxiety since her teenage years. Growing up, she admits she was always the child who was worrying and who suffered sleep disturbances; the one who would burst into tears at the drop of a hat. She was also an extremely empathetic child and would always offer help to others. Emma, like many anxious children, never really understood why the world wouldn't view things through the same lenses as hers. Anyone else know someone like this?
After experiencing some major traumas growing up, and never seeking help due to the stigma that was placed on mental health issues Emma suffered major depression and anxiety which lead to her trying to take her own life. She was so mentally unwell at this stage that she believed this was her only escape. It was not a selfish act, if anything, it was selfless in the fact that she thought she was making things easier for everyone she cared about.
Thankfully, Emma was unsuccessful, and had reached a point in her life where this experience created a fork in the road which allowed her to seek help.
Emma went on to study for ten years and is about to conclude her Master of Social Work degree whilst running her own mental health counselling business.
Here Emma speaks to us from a practitioner’s view but also from personal experience of living with a mental illness.
Emma's Advice & Tips
Anxiety comes in many forms from mild to severe, in an adult or a child. From experience I highly recommend early intervention, it's always a preferred option to crisis intervention. If we can teach our children skills to develop resilience and face adversity from an early age, then we are more likely to help them rid their symptoms or manage them in a way that it no longer affects their life so detrimentally. So many people focus on the importance of school and extracurricular activities, but the reality is, if your child is not functioning at their mental best then all aspects of their life will be affected including their grades.
One of the first things I always ask is “how is your child sleeping? Do they struggle to go to sleep or wake up and then can’t get to sleep?” This is the first indication to me that something is going on. If a child cannot sleep it usually means they can't stop their inner chatter and many children say ‘their heads are talking to them’. This is where a good bedtime ritual, routine and structure come in to play. Working with a child means working with their parents/guardians in order to look at these issues holistically and systemically in order to achieve the best outcomes. If a parent comes into my office and states ‘my child can’t sleep so I let them play on technology, or I am too busy to set up structure, I’m too tired from work and no one follows through as its too hard’, is this a child’s problem or the parents?
Children thrive on routine, structure and discipline
If children know where their parent’s boundaries are through transparency, honesty and consistency, then this will alleviate much of their anxiety. Set aside time before your child goes to bed for them to problem solve collaboratively with you. Not only will this allow for the parent-child connections to flourish, but will also assist your child in expressing their worries, which in turn will assist them in getting to sleep rather than ruminating about the million things happening in their minds. Yes, I’m sure you are reading this and relating to it because the struggle is real for so many parents.
'The fact is, most children haven't learnt how to avoid over-analysing and need you to help them regulate their emotions and fears'-Emma
Routine, structure, consistency!
Talk to your child, use meditation, do activities that they enjoy. Some children like music, some like words. Personally I find words are better as they help a child focus on meditation and teach them to not listen to their worries. Lavender oil works really well to calm, and making a bedroom a special and safe place.
Once sleep is sorted, you can focus on other aspects of your child's anxiety, like what their triggers might be. How their body might respond. What they and you can do to help them de-escalate and return to a calmer state. Once again, I like to work on early intervention rather than crisis intervention; we all know once a child is in a ball on the floor in a flood of tears, screaming and shaking it takes a lot of work to bring them back from that. In addition, it is hard to witness as a parent, and the physiological/psychological effects can be detrimental.
Teach your child to acknowledge their worries, recognise the physical symptoms, and then when these occur how to manage their anxiety. This is when it is great to seek professional help as they are trained and can teach these skills very quickly. Remember anxiety is all about the loss of control, so as soon as you can give that back to a child the better they will be. Finding ways your child can help themselves self-regulate, whether it be mediation, drawing, running, boxing etc is a great help. Communication is very important for all of this to work so make sure your child feels free to openly talk to you.
'Sometimes a child does not want to stress their parents out or make them angry, therefore, it can be beneficial to include a third party who is removed from the situation, like a professional'
Well, those are my tips for dealing with anxiety at home with the help of a professional. These tactics are the starting point for tackling your child’s anxiety and empowering them. Situations are short lived and so are the body's reactions to anxiety.
'Take one second, one minute or hour at a time if needed. You will get through it. You can reprogram your brain and take control of it. It’s about putting in the work and finding out what fits you as one treatment does not fit all'
I would like to thank Hanging out With Mermaids for giving me the chance to share my experiences with you all and for raising awareness of an issue that affects not only myself but also half my clients and one in four Australians in any given year.I hope this helps and you can find time to introduce a few of these strategies in to your child's life.
Emma
Mental Health Counsellor, Peninsula Counselling & Care
'Knowing I have walked my own mental health journey gives me a way to work with my clients which speaks louder than books'- Emma